August e-news

Dr Suzy Green & Associates

Hi again! It doesn’t take long to be back in the swing of things does it? Left with only the memories of a wonderful holiday and the feeling that it happened such a long time ago! We can however extend the benefits of such an experience by engaging in something called “positive reminiscing”.

Research has shown that positive reminiscing can be a positive mood booster. Psychologists at Southampton University in the UK found that people who recall and then write down happy memories are more happy and cheerful after doing that than those who write about everyday experiences. They also showed that those who write about positive past experiences report having higher self-esteem and have more positive feelings about friendships and close relationships.

Another important related finding is that recalling memories in depth is more powerful than writing them down. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a well-known Positive Psychology researcher and the author of “The How of Happiness (Penguin Group) found that people who wrote down favorite memories felt much better after wards but not as good as those who replayed the memories in their heads. (Note: the opposite is true for bad memories - writing them down makes you feel better while ruminating about them makes people feel worse). So, make sure you make regular time to positively reminisce! What a wonderful way to spend a sunny winter Sunday afternoon, in a park or even on your lounge listening to a favourite piece of music, perhaps something that reminds you of the experience! Also great to do with a friend!

Last month I finalised my discussion on emotional intelligence with the focus on the ability of “managing emotions”. Again I’m hoping over the past month there were plenty of opportunities to practice.  A funny observation I’ve made after years of psychological practice is that when a client is learning a new skill, opportunities just seem to keep popping up where they can put such skills to work eg someone working on assertiveness receives bad service or they run into someone they usually avoid because this person constantly ask for favours and they cant say no! In our everyday lives, our emotions will fluctuate dependant on the circumstances that are occurring and our responses to these.  Having strategies that are built into our lives to manage our emotions is essential for good mental health eg exercise, relaxation, meditation.  Also having “portable” strategies for when situations arise unexpectedly can be useful for remaining calm eg abdominal breathing techniques and choosing to think optimistically ie is this really worth getting upset about?  Are there any “good things” that might come from this?  Mood management is a skill.  So set a goal and keep monitoring your progress

Month 8 - 2008 - Social Intelligence

Following on from his successful book “Emotional Intelligence”, Daniel Goleman further developed his ideas in a book entitled “Social Intelligence” (2007, Bantam Books).  In this book, Goleman draws on the field of neuroscience, to show that we are biologically programmed to be social and if you think about it, it is in our social interactions that our emotional intelligence is utilized. 

The concept of social intelligence was originally developed by psychologist, Edward Thorndike, in 1920.  His definition being “the ability to understand and manage men and women”.  Goleman argues though that this may be used malevolently eg the con-man.  His definition suggests that being “socially intelligent” is not just being intelligent about our relationships but also in them (pg 11) eg acting wisely in human relationships. 

Goleman discusses how emotions are contagious ie  emotions pass from person to person.  In some social situations, my mood will affect your mood, and in others, your mood will affect mine.  Goleman writes about “mirror neurons” that fire in response to observing behavior or emotions in others. “For instance, when volunteers lay in an fMRI watching a video showing someone smile or scowl, most brain areas that activated in the observers were the same as those active in the person displaying the emotion, though not as extreme.” (p. 42). We catch emotions from others because we experience them directly in the firing of our mirror neurons.

As with emotional contagion, social contagion can be in either positive or negative directions. Many of my clients have experienced this in a workplace setting.  Optimism and pessimism can both spread rapidly through groups.  Some clients have suggested just one “negative person” can affect the whole group’s emotional outlook

This Month's Action Plan -“Building social capital”

This month, reflect on your relationships, both at work and in your personal life.  Are you having a positive impact on those around you?  Are you on the whole an optimistic and positive person?  IMPORTANT NOTE:  Being an optimistic and positive person doesn’t mean you don’t have days when you are experiencing negativity (thoughts or emotions).  We are all human!  However if you think your mood is “negative” more often than not, then it may be that you are negatively affecting those around you.  Perhaps you have had some feedback already?  This month be mindful of your daily interactions and the quality of them.  Aim for high quality connections.  Jane Dutton in Energize your Workplace (2003, p. 2), suggests “Any point of contact with another person can potentially be a high-quality connection. One conversation, one e-mail exchange, one moment of connecting in a meeting can infuse both participants with a greater sense of vitality, giving them a bounce in their steps and a greater capacity to act.“

This month might also be a good time to take stock of the people in our lives and the pleasure we get from these relationships.  Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel prize winner and Positive Psychologist, suggests we “optimize” our days by spending more time with these people in satisfying ways and also suggests we attempt to “recreate” other relationships to make them more mutually nourishing. 

Overall, our psychological well-being is significantly impacted by our relationships.  Our lives are about our relationships, not how many hours we worked or how many baskets of ironing we did this week!  Make them a priority! 

Next Month…I’ll be further discussing the benefits of builiding social capital…..  

" …self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion.  When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large.  But when we focus on others, our world expands.  Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action.”

Daniel Goleman, p.54, Social Intelligence

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