June e-news

Dr Suzy Green & Associates

Hi there!  Can you believe it’s June already!  I’m off to the European Positive Psychology Conference in less than 3 weeks and will have stacks of PP to report on next month.  It will also be a “mid-year break” for me - and a great opportunity for “creative idling” as I sail around the Croatian Islands!  If you haven’t had a break all year, now is a great time to have one – even if it’s just a “mini-break”.  It’s also a good time to review your goals for the year – which ones have you achieved, which ones still need more work?  Commit to action and don’t forget to identify some rewards for achievement!

Last month I continued my discussion on emotional intelligence and the ability of “using emotions”. Hopefully you are now much more “mindful” of perceiving your emotional state and then deciding whether you can use this state wisely or if it’s more prudent to switch mood states – depending on the situation or task at hand eg if you are experiencing high levels of positive emotion, then that’s the perfect time to go into a “creative brainstorm session”.

Month 5 - 2008 - Emotional Intelligence - Part 2 - Understanding Emotions

The ability to “understand emotions” is the most “cognitive” of the four skills of EI.  It comprises our ability to understand how and why emotions occur, the relationships between emotions and the ability to communicate emotions.

Emotional Myths….TRUE OR FALSE?

          There is a right way to feel in every situation

          Showing my emotions is a sign of weakness 

          Emotions come out of the blue 

          Negative emotions are painful and should be avoided 

          Some emotions are stupid 

All of the above are primarily “false” with the exception of the fact that negative emotions are painful – quite true – which is why most of us spend most of our time avoiding them!  However as discussed last month, there can be benefits to these emotions in some situations and they really are only problematic when they go to their extremes and we lack effective “emotional regulation” eg fear becomes panic, anger becomes rage and sadness becomes depression.

Key Points to Remember: 

1. There is no absolute “right” way to feel although in certain circumstances, certain emotions may be more or less likely.
2. There are primary and secondary emotions ie emotions can be complex.
3. Emotions are like waves – they come and go.
4. Emotions serve a purpose eg fear alerts us to potential danger.
5. Most emotions have “triggers” ie they are a response to a situation or more specifically depend on our “interpretation” of a situation – see below.

Why Emotions Occur? 

Understanding that emotions usually arise as a “response” is essential to developing emotional intelligence.  Whilst in some severe cases of clinical depression, people describe the “black dog” or “grey cloud” descending upon them, for most of us, emotions are a reaction to an event or our interpretation of that event.

Why is this skill so important?

Developing emotional intelligence requires a sophisticated approach to understanding how emotions work and also the subtleties of emotional communication.

If we understand the causes of emotions, we can understand situations and people’s responses better.  We can also develop greater empathy for others.  Empathic understanding also builds rapport and better quality relationships.  We can also use our knowledge of emotions to predict how someone will feel given a certain event. 

The development of a sophisticated emotional vocabulary enhances our communication both in expressing how we feel and in reflecting back to others how they feel about a certain issue or situation.  The reflection back of both content and emotion is also often referred to as “active listening” and is a powerful way of building rapport with someone.  You might also like to try brainstorming as many “emotional words” you can in 3 minutes.  Try to work on increasing your vocabulary over time.

This Month's Action Plan - “Walk a mile in another’s shoes”

This month try to cultivate a “curious mindset” in terms of understanding your feelings.  Be mindful of your interpretations of situations and the effect those interpretations can have on your emotional state.  Take this same approach to developing a broader understanding of why others may be feeling the way they are in certain situations.  Often we make assumptions or jump to conclusions (remember these common ANTS!) about why people are behaving or feeling the way they are – often without considering another perspective on things. 

As suggested by the title above, this month try to increase your levels of “empathy” by putting yourself in someone else’s shoes to have a greater understanding of how they might feel in the situation and why. 

Whilst we can “try” to increase empathy, it appears it may in fact be that we are hard-wired for empathy.  In Daniel Goleman’s newest book “Social Intelligence” he refers to the discovery of “mirror neurons,” a widely dispersed class of brain cells that operate like neural WiFi. Mirror neurons track the emotional flow, movement and even intentions of the person we are with, and replicate this sensed state in our own brain by stirring in our brain the same areas active in the other person.

Mirror neurons offer a neural mechanism that explains emotional contagion, the tendency of one person to catch the feelings of another, particularly if strongly expressed. This brain-to-brain link may also account for feelings of rapport, which research finds depend in part on extremely rapid synchronization of people’s posture, vocal pacing and movements as they interact.  However this all depends on how much attention we are paying to another’s verbal and non-verbal messages.

Next Month…I’ll be continuing my discussion on how emotional intelligence can be utilised to create a more contented and flourishing life. 

"You never know a man until you have walked in his shoes"
Atticus to Scout –in To Kill a Mockingbird

 

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